Let’s face it, the present sucks, so I am escaping to the future. Not far in the future, but far enough that the present past doesn’t piss me off. That way I can look back on the present in the future and remember the present later with a certain whimsical melancholia. It’s okay, I get to look back on Governor Rauner in Illinois before he went to jail. For all of you in the present0-past, keep watching in the next 6 months, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Wink-Wink. I’ll recall with a mischievous smirk a time before Sarah Palin looked, after massive tucks and plastic surgery, like the love child of a post mortem Nancy Reagan and Chucky from that Child’s Play horror movie.
I shouldn’t give away too much. I went back to the present recently and let slip a billion dollar mega-ball jackpot to a couple of friends. Well, they played those numbers and started a dictatorship by forcing everyone to dress in Star Trek outfits. then they started a religion around William Shatner and marched across new England until all Dr. Who fans were in brutally horrid concentration camps guarded by thickly brogue-ished guards all cruelly named Scottie. So I returned and emailed the numbers to a half billion people. Future saved.
A few of the other surprises:
1.Afghanistan is now the new silicon valley of southern Asia, with real estate prices Jim Buffet could barely afford.
2. Jimmy Buffet is still alive many years into the future, finding a secret elixir.
3. Henry Kissinger also is apparently immortal, although, it seems, after a barter deal with Satan.
4. Rush Limbaugh’s passing…well, it saved him the indignity of a trial.
5. ISIS, after a long a terrible war now controls a greater share of the online shopping market than Amazon.
The Olsen Twins became California’s first twin governor.
6. The nation of Comcast won a blood 14 year war against Google, but was destroyed in a suicide attack by the sovereign republic of Netflix
Hardly anyone expected that once robots became self-aware, long about 2023, they just couldn’t stand us and left for the stars, leaving humanity with all the retarded robots as torture, such as those annoying robot dogs and dinosaurs. as for the 2016 presidential race: You knew. We all sort of knew. Didn’t we? 2024, however; holy crap, could anyone have predicted that outcome? I do miss winters, but I have a better tan in the future-all year round! I’m writing this in January, and the wife and I are on the patio. It’s 84 degrees, which isn’t bad for Chicago in January these days. It’s 4:30am, the coolest part of the day, and I haven’t put out the ice baths for the cats yet.
There’s more. I’ll tell you all about it later. For now the wife and I are off to North Korea for vacation. Oh, it’s a hedonists paradise now, not like the People’s Republic of Canada. Until them my present-past friends, from the future, well…later.
Listen Saturday’s from 11am-1pm to WC Turck, Brian Murray and guests on Chicago’s real alternative media, AM1680, Q4 radio, streaming at www.que4.org.
WC Turck is an author, artist, playwright and talk radio host in Chicago. He has been called the most dangerous voice on the Left. His new book “Shoot Down: is an unflinching look at the events leading up to the shooting down of Malaysia Air Flight 17.” His first novel, “Broken” was recommended by NAMI for its treatment of PTSD. In 2006 he published “Everything for Love,” a memoir of his experiences during the siege of Sarajevo. He wrote and produced two critically acclaimed plays, “Occupy my Heart” and “The People’s Republic of Edward Snowden.” He works with the homeless and foreclosure victims in Chicago. He partners in a weekly radio show dedicated to issues, society and politics with cohost, activist and artist Brian Murray For more information, past shows, videos and articles, visit www.revolutioandbeer.com
The Illinois Policy Institute (IPI) is a conservative think tank with offices in Chicago and Springfield, Illinois, and member of the State Policy Network. IPI is a member of the American Legislative Exchange Council (ALEC) as of 2011. IPI is also a member of ALEC’s Health and Human Services Task Force and Education Task Force. Senior Budget and Tax Policy Analyst, Amanda Griffin-Johnson, presented model legislation (the “State Employee Health Savings Account Act”) to the HHS task force at ALEC’s 2011 annual meeting. Collin Hitt, Director of Education Policy, is a private sector member of the Education Task Force representing IPI. He sponsored the “Local Government Transparency Act” at the ALEC 2011 States and Nation Policy Summit. In its 2006 annual report the Cato Institute states that it made a grant of $50,000 to the Illinois Policy Institute. The Cato Institute is a libertarian think tank founded by Charles G. Koch and funded by the Koch brothers.