Smart Ass! A come back for every right wing talking point

If there is one redeeming quality I’ve learned growing up in a big , hard-drinking, small town Midwestern family, and working a tough blue collar union job is that you learn to give it as well as take it.. And by “it” I mean when someone throws a shot your way, your return shot should put them on their ass. It has helped me become the most dangerous emerging voice on the Left.

On my radio show I am always talking about messaging and how Progressives and Liberals always are at a general disadvantage to the Right. Their arguments are simple, but loud and repetitive. They appeal to base instincts and lazy people who only wish to be validated in their firmly held ignorance, and appeal to their laziness in actually becoming informed, or worse, that they actually have to consider other people’s existence. The Right yawns at too much information. They want it simple and easy. That represents their world.

On the Left, the center Left and for much of the center-the vast majority of this nation, our messaging is usually far more nuanced, necessarily encompassing a spectrum of perspectives. We like details and science and understand a world in shades of gray, in which the continuum of perspectives among the lives of people is not black or white. Despite that facts and truth are fully on our side, that doesn’t translate well in a media world. We must do a better job, which is why the itinerate smart ass in me decided to help with comebacks to beat the Right…

CORPORATIONS
RIGHT: “Corporations are people, my friend…”
LEFT: A corporation is a person the same way the forest is a tree or the Navy is sailor

ABORTION
RIGHT: That baby you abort might one day grow up to cure cancer.
LEFT: That baby might one day grow up to kill the person who would have cured cancer

FRACKING
RIGHT: Graduates from the South Dakota Institute for Mining Technology earn more working for Fracking firms than most university graduates.
LEFT: Crack dealers make more than most high school graduates, Bank robbers earn more than bank tellers!

GUNS
RIGHT: Forcing gun owners to register their guns and have IDs doesn’t stop criminals from having guns.
LEFT: registering your car and having a license doesn’t stop car thieves…

KEYSTONE PIPELINE AND CLIVEN BUNDY
LEFT: Where are the gunmen supporting deadbeat racist millionaire Cliven Bundy’s “property rights” for thousands of Americans having their land stolen for the XL Keystone pipeline?
RAND PAUL: Cliven who?

MUSLIM TERRORISTS
RIGHT: Not all Muslims are terrorists, but almost all terrorists are Muslims
LEFT: Not all white people are KKK, but all KKK are white people ( White supremacists have killed more than 200 people in the US over the last decade.; Muslims 2)

BENGHAZI
RIGHT: fOuR AMerIcaNs dIEd iN BeNGhAzi FOUR On 9-11-2011!!!!
LEFT: 3000 died on the original 9-11 due to the incompetence of Bush’s administration, 3200 over a lie in Iraq, 11 incinerated in the Deepwater oil disaster and no one has gone to jail. No, wait, I’m only getting started…

GLOBAL WARMING
RIGHT: If there is global warming, how come it was so cold in Intercourse Pennsylvania (There really is an Intercourse Pennsylvania!)
LEFT: While you were sleeping, the Egyptians and Columbus proved the world was round.inter

GAY MARRIAGE AND THE BIBLE
RIGHT: Says right there in the bible ‘bout gays bein’ ‘gainst god…
LEFT: Reading cliff notes again, I see. There is far more in the bible in the bible about tending your own garden, minding your own business, greed, gluttony and selling your daughter into slavery being okay

WELFARE AND THE FREE MARKET
RIGHT: We can’t afford welfare, but we need to let the free market work for business!
LEFT: The US spent $500 billion on welfare for the poor. It spent in 2013 $576.4 billion on giveaways to corporations; local, state and federal combined-double that for tax forgiveness. Who are the real welfare queens? Sounds like even the free market doesn’t believe in the free market!

VOTING
TOO MANY AMERICANS: Voting changes nothing!
LEFT: A car dealership offers a warranty for your new car, however, that warranty doesn’t cover misuse or neglect

Add a few of your own. I’ve got more. Call into the show Mondays-Fridays from 9-11am in Chicago on AM1680 QR radio, www.que4.org and feel free to share your suggestions, or argue with mine. Bring it, I’m ready.

WC Turck is the author of 4 books, including the critically acclaimed Bosnian War Memoir “Everything for Love,” and Broken: One soldier’s unexpected journey home, at Amazon and Barnes and Noble.com. Turck wrote and produced two critically acclaimed plays, “Occupy my Heart: A Revolutionary Christmas Carol” and “The People’s Republic of Edward Snowden.” He can be heard weekdays from 9-11am, and 1-3pm on the Revolution and Beer show with partner and cohost BL Murray.

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